I just miss everything, I miss how things supposed to be, I miss everything I once had, I miss how happy I was, I miss how nice things was, I miss how I’m used to be, I miss how easily contented I can be, I miss my life.
But there’s this one part, I can’t face it, I can’t admit either. I just wanna forget it, b/c it’s painful, it does, alot.
@ this rate I’m going, I’m no different from slowly killing myself.
Something you don’t believe, yet it seems so real. Do I mean something/nothing? I know the reason since then, but I just avoid. What should I do t myself, in order t get back my smile?
thinking about things, i never knew why we didnt resolve the problem and i didnt know how things ended this way. i want to know how things change and why is it so easy?
i accepted reality but i cant seem to move on. i want to, i really do. it’s just that i keep having dreams whereby you’re in it…
(Source: andendlessly)
Everything’s happening yet I’m trying t pretend I’m fine, pretending its nothing. Lil did I know it kills me so much, ever since then. So many times, so many times of avoiding.
I’m not sure if its me that’s making myself being like this, or any other reason. Slowly and slowly, I found myself unable t use words I used before even though I really mean it.
Everything’s on my mind ever since then, never once a day its gone seriously.. I’m losing my point, I’m losing myself as well..
Or rather, I lost what I had long ago. But how the hell am I able t lose something that’s not even mine?
A kind of pain, that’s worst than a pain.
Dont know what the fuck is wrong w me. Lil things got me so damn affected, i need t face the wall i guess. Texts that i replied, got shorter & shorter, sucky me.
As for my intern, feeling so fuckedup. Having t shift here & there, it’s not fun @ all please. It’s not easy trying t adapt @ all. idk why this shit happen t me, fuck.
I dont feel good, i dont feel good. What’s wrong gmf? having t play mind game w self, wtf is this..
Something that im starting to hate, something that im starting to avoid.
Every time this happened, i will tend to start contradicting myself, everything that i do, everything that i felt. Even on those that i did it out of certain purpose, this will make me think about it again & again. Those kind of “high5-ing w yourself” feeling. Every moment, there seems t be a “fight” happening inside my head, i just dislike it so much.
Wanted to view sunset, but rain spoiled it. Random, yet fun&wet day. <3
Sometimes, I’ve been questioning myself, whether what do i want. Things i know that i shouldn’t, but i can’t help doing it. Things that i know i must face, i ran. I just don’t like it being this way, so much that i can’t do it right @ all. Every lil bits’ getting me.. Making me wonder, is this being strong/weak.
Something happened, & it’s a long story. It just happened so sudden, that i don’t know how to react to it. All i know was, “I don’t know”. I felt everything, just so, mixed feelings I call it.
I gained, I understood. But it’s hard to face all these. I just don’t know how to handle, and this totally sucks. Isn’t just one/two, but many.
Humans’ hard to understand. Let alone decoding them.
It’s 15th today.
Work was alright but get to know this news, good/bad, I don’t know..
I miss those times, so much.
Woke up t a raining & cold morning, having t drag myself out of bed.
Someone said this t me, “always be happy, always wear a smile :) not because life is full of reasons to smile but because ur smile itself is a reason for many others to smile :)”
This sentence got me thinking, & it’s true that every morning I will not be happy. I was late today but boss’s later than me. Work was alright but feeling so worn out. Finally gotten my concession & one of the happy thing for today is, I finally talked to this aunty who I know that I know her, yet I didn’t call out for her several times despite seeing her. Been long, been long.
Alot of memories came back today, I got reminded of so much & I found myself thinking even more yet knowing I got t face the fact, “nothing can be changed”
Another boring day,
Even before reaching workplace, i’ve been yawning non-stop. Not only being tired, but it just sucks. I know i got to bear w it, for it’s my choice. But i really wanna say, i regretted. I didn’t expect it t turn out this way. At first, I thought it’s just me, it’s just awhile, but it’s not. But, it just sucks so much that i dislike it. B/c of this, i gave up alot. Having to be cranky everyday after work, fts. Attituding people around me, feeling so freaking worn out, and getting scolded for what I’ve not done. Trying, really trying. I can’t wait for everything to end, seriously. :(
I’m feeling the boreness from my intern already. Been complaining nonstop today :( and now, its left w Sharry & me over there, I hope things get better! How I wish I don’t have t work for so long hours :(
Went to find glue for dinner after work, and having the thoughts of travelling, it totally killed me.
